So, I began seeing my therapist again today.
I had seen her quite some time ago for some other issues not related to my cross dressing, and we both agreed that my time with her was done when we were essentially spending most of our session chatting about stuff instead of doing anything therapeutic. While I love chatting with her (she's damn smart, easy to talk to and definitely makes one think), I figured it wasn't really fair to charge my insurance company for a chat buddy :)
So after a couple of incidents where I was going into an unpleasant state of mind because of a few things that happened around the house, I and my wife figured it was time to actually get some professional help dealing with, not the cross dressing itself, but with the emotional issues surrounding it, particularly relating to my father's actions when and after he caught me.
The first session was really good. We did spend a little time catching up and talking like old friends, but not a whole lot. I was nervous and somewhat unprepared (she called me with a last-minute cancellation and I was totally not ready for it, but I jumped at the opportunity anyways), but we are working on a plan to help me deal with the crappy emotional feedback I feel whenever I start to feel that my dressing is hurting someone or making them uncomfortable.
Yesterday, we had some company over. My wife was folding some towels that had gotten left in the dryer, when she came across a pair of my panties. At first, she thought they were hers, but didn't recognize them. After she realized they were mine, she quietly called me into our room where she handed them to me and told me where she found them. Now one of our agreed upon boundaries is that I do my own laundry of my girl clothes. I had done some the day before and apparently missed a pair of panties in the dryer.
She could have made me feel like shit. She could have been cold and nasty about it, or even cold and formal and disapproving.
Instead, she giggled about it with me. I apologized, and she just smiled and said it was ok, and we laughed together about it. See why I love my wife? She could have tossed me into one of those nasty little feedback loops where I felt like shit, but she didn't want me to hurt. So she found the humor in it and shared it with me and we laughed together.
She'd better be careful or I might start to actually feel good about myself again :)
And that's why I love my wife.
More therapy every week for a while, so probably some more posts here and there.